From the recording Caterwauling

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A song by that most lovable yet infuriating companion, a cat.


I am a cat, a tiger as your friend
Give me some love then I'll drive you round the bend
Playin' with my food it is only a mouse
I'm sure that you would like it in the house

Livin' is so easy and I'll tell you how
Have anything I want to, I can have it now
Just go up to a human and ever so politely meow (meow, meow)

Who needs a bath when a tongue will do just fine
Then to my face I'll give that another shine
Give me a hug you'll be covered in fur
Scratch behind my ear and I will purr

Lyin' in the sun to have a little nap
I need more warmth, can I lie upon your lap?
Please do not move that would be so wearisome
Perhaps you'd like to watch me lick my bum


A ball made of wool, I'm not a kitten I'm a cat
I'm not a fool I'm not chasing after that
It's just not for me I am far too old you know
Well, maybe I will have a little go

Only the best is good enough for me
Rabbit's not food I insist on having beef
You bought me a bed I don't care how much it cost
'Cos I would rather sleep inside its box


It's time to go out 'cos I want to explore
Can you get out of your chair come and open up the door?
Oh, it's raining outside I'm not going out in that
Can I return to sitting on your lap?

You have a job it's to give me what I want
If I should meow it’s essential you respond
We have a bond, have you figured it out yet?
Yes, I'm the master here and you're the pet


Cat: Meow! Meow!
Me: What’s that puss? You’re hungry again?
Cat: Meow.
Me: Alright, I’m coming