From the album Caterwauling

In cart Not available Out of stock

If Augustus were a spaceman...

Lyrics

I dreamed of being an astronaut since I was just a boy
I made myself a rocket but it was only a toy
I studied rocket science and of course astronomy
Spending hours in my bath to train for zero-gravity

Unable to get funding had to save up, it was hard
But I got a proper rocket maxing out my Barclaycard
I couldn't afford the space suit, the helmet or moon boots
So I climbed into my spaceship wearing just my birthday suit

I'm the naked spaceman heading out into the void
I set my course via Saturn for a little asteroid
I'm setting up a colony with a friendly alien race
'Cos ET didn't wear clothes you know they're all naked out in space

I cannot understand that Neil Armstrong on his moon
Dressed up like the Michelin Man, oh, what a great buffoon
Imagine all the washing when he got back down to earth
Yet dressed like me the moondust would just wash off in the bath

I searched for information on my favourite cosmonaut
It was Yuri Gagarin, the hero, that I sought
The film I found surprised me as Gagarin dis-robed
And in fuzzy black and white it showed how tiny was his probe

Chorus

I wrote a note to NASA, in Houston, USA,
Did they want a photograph; perhaps the full display?
They sent me a plane ticket, they wanted me there fast
But I'd have wear some clothes or else I'd be in second class

They named my spaceship ‘Emperor’ but not the Roman sort
More the one from fairy tale, whose clothes could not be bought
They connected up my life support, from my head down to my toes
You should've seen my grin when they attached the vacuum hose?
Ooh!

I'm the naked spaceman heading out into the void
In a sling shot round Uranus for a little asteroid
I'm setting up a colony with a friendly alien race
'Cos ET didn't wear clothes you know they're all naked out in space

Once I'd left the stratosphere the whole world I could see
But was desperate for a space walk so that I could have a pee
Perhaps I was too cocky, should've heeded Ground Control
But the sudden lack of pressure made my favourite part explode

I'm the naked spaceman floating out into the void
Being naked in a vacuum's something you should all avoid
So now I'm with the angels up in heaven filled with grace
'Cos angels don't wear clothes you know, we're all naked here in space