1. Underpants

From the recording Caterwauling

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You can never have too many pairs of underpants


Ev'ry morning when I wake
I jump out of my bed, quite bare
A decision I must make
What kind of underpants to wear?

Underpants, underpants, underpants
I love my underwear
Underpants, underpants, underpants
I've got a hundred pairs

I could try pants my dad has worn
And what his father also had
And simply put my Y-fronts on
I mean my own ones, not my dad's

Yet this design, how was it found?
Where if you want to have a piss
Your dick goes up and through and down
That's why our aim is hit and miss

Underpants, underpants, underpants
I dress so debonair
Just white tie, tails and underpants
I feel like Fred Astaire

Soft trunks are the rage right now
Support that covers comfortably
But with no flies or buttons how
Are we supposed to have a pee?

And how I envy Scottish men
(Who don't wear jockstraps actually)
They wrap around a kilt and then
Allow it all to dangle free

Underpants, underpants, underpants
In England they declare
We have to wear our underpants
It really is not fair

In the winter save your nuts
And willy from the freezing wind
Long Johns will be adequate
To stop your bits from shrivelling

At times I've even tried a thong
It leaves my cheeks quite free, but lor!
I think the makers got it wrong
My bum crack should not be so sore

Underpants, underpants, underpants
Sometimes for a dare
I go out in just my underpants
It makes my mum go spare
So what if people stare
I really do not care
I’m going out in underpants
So there!